No matter how strong you try to be, no matter how many walls you tried to build..
There will always be a soft spot.
So here I am, feeling vulnerable and lost.
If I could have a wish for this coming 2011,
it would be to find back my lost self.

I'm wrong, I know I am wrong.
I'm a thief.

i stopped drawinggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
im like stuck
i need inspiration!!!!!!!!!
maybe im just too distracted in life.... omg.
>:(

*

我不是真正的快乐。
merry christmas.

I need to be stick thin.
From now on, Im trying that "no food after 8pm" policy and see how it goes.
Any snacks equal fruits tan pei ching.

losing my self-confidence againnnnnnn.......



Replaying MCR DANGER DAYS: THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILLJOYS over and overrr
THEY MUST COME TO SINGAPOREEEEEE
hahahahahaha.

wait, how long have I been NOT updating?
bah.

Out to all those who feels like they want to give up on life,
you DESERVE to live on and outcome those obstancles to a better you. :)

I'm all hyped to get started on a portfolio although I have millions of doubts for the guidelines given. Im gonna get all the materials on Mon (I even don't have a proper pencil hehhhhhhhhh) and shall meet up with my girlssssss and prolly the band geeko dudes too HAHAHAaaaaa i miss em allll!

While I was on the MRT today, there's this scruffy wired hair guy beside me sketching somethin. Had a glance, and he was sketching hands, one on top of the other. He must be a pro, it was realistic and it kind of ..... well, make me doubt myself......
But owell, I'm giving it a go. Pops said he will support me if I can get in.
So, I'll try my best to! WHAT THE FUCK?
I mean, I WILL GIVE MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Oh, going to Chiangrai for Loy Krathong next sat! :>
I MISS EVERYTHING THEREEEEEEEEEE.


Sigh.

Oh shiat I didn't know planning for my future was gonna be so hard.
I wanted to actually continue my career as a chef at where I was now,
but my naggy boyfee wants me to continue studying so that I will have a brighter future .________.
Yea, thinking about it, it's kind of true. So I'm planning to work part-time and study at the same time, cos at this raw age of 18, and 19 next frigging year, I can't be using my parent's money........ I need to be independant.
&yeah, I'm planning to enter Lasalle ...... what the balls the fees are making me dizzy. I've been saving up to contribute part of the fees but it's so much I don't even think it's 1/3 of the full fees......... gonna burn a fucking big hole on my dad's pocket.... sigh.. THE FEES ARE MAKING ME RECONSIDER!
But...... if not, I won't know where else I wanna go and what else I wanna do :/

Haiyaaaaaaaa time for work..
Bye!

I can't answer those questions.
As to why did I.
Maybe I was immature. But immaturity has nothing to do with it.
Immaturity has nothing to do with making one fall in love.
You fall in love by chance, not by choice.
We all fall in love in the most unexpected ways.

Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person.
Yes, and from the start we know we shouldn't had make it happen.
But still, how could I.... just ignore everything.
Words all make it seem so easy, but could you just tell your heart not to fucking feel? I doubt so. I really doubt so.

Honestly, I don't know what I should do right now.
Don't tell me to give it all up because that's not something I can really do right now. Don't ask me not to think anymore, because I CAN'T.
Maybe I'm just a shitty person like that, I think of all the negative things.
Even the positive can't outdo the latter.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
I want to be happy.

How do I get out of this pithole again.... ?
How do I convince myself not to fall too deep.. How can you make your heart do the opposite?

Then again, yea. Maybe it was all my fault for not being able to lie to myself that it's not possible.

Haha fuck my life.

It's starting to get to a point where I really like you alot and I'm afraid I'll fall deeper.



What the hell am I saying?

So this is what I've been up to lately, birthday celebrations LOLLLLL
My colleagues are all karaoke kings and queens.










Hell yeah I love this bunch of awesome people :)
There's going to be a third one next two weeks! @_@
Gonna drink, sing and dance till we drop!
Hehe!

my sunshine

You came along and held me up. We knew what was ahead of us but it didn't stopped us from getting together. It just felt right, maybe all I need to know that is you'll be by my side, and that's how I'll pull through. I said before that I will not hold back these overflowing feelings, but I have to. I can't bring myself to be dependant on you. One day when you have to go, I have to be strong and let go.
So now you have no idea how hard I'm
trying to be stronger. I'm strong, but it's never enough. It will never be enough. You have no idea.. you have no idea.

Tell me that I'm just downright stupid.
I believe that if it's fated to be yours, eventually it would. People come and go, but regrets and guilt stay like plague in our hearts. It's too early to say anything, forsee anything, but I won't stop thinking of the possibilities. Even that tiniest of hope, it counts.

I just need to let out. I'm feeling mixed everyday. Happy and but void inside. yknow what I mean? I've been thinking abt what to do with this blog since I don't really update anymore. Even if I do, it's mostly wordy hahahah. So I guess this will
just be a personal blog where I pour my heart out on. Since well, the only reader here is ME.

I want a drink and a cig :/
我太笨 明知道 你是错的人 明知道 这不是缘分 但我相信有点可能。

晚安。

I wished I had a older or younger sister. :/
My brother is just like a younger and (much)fiercer version of my Dad.
He's like a volcano, erupt anytime one lulz.
So I don't really like initiating a conversation with him.
Cos if it's his bad day, then it'll make me feel like it's my fault for talking to him ._____________________.
&he doesn't support me in anything I do either :/

I see close siblings, going out and such.. I kinda envy em.
Like yknow, to have a best best friend and s/he's actually your blood sibling!
That'll be nice.

O hai.

Those random kisses on my forehead, and the way you smile everytime you see me, that means the world to me.

Anyone there?
Anyone still reads these leftover remains?

Well I'm still kicking and alive.
Happier than ever.
WORK IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Damn I've always been wanting to blog it but always forgot to so here I am today!
colleagues are nice and we get along like one big family.
I don't dread heading to work as much as I fucking used to back at.. well, the old place. -.-
Life changed ever since that decision. But in a good way :D
I still miss you, but I don't think that matter at all cos you dont give a fuck haha.
It's good how I could finally let go after all the shit and lies......... ._.
Thanks for making me stronger :)

I'm just glad my life's back on track.
Halloween's coming and it's gonna be war @ work HAHAHAHAH sure damn busy till my backside on fire.

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!!!!!!!!
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IS TEH SHIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
Can't wait for their album, and of course their concert here in SG!
please come please come please cum! *crosses fingers*
ITS GONNA BE FUCKING AWSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

bullsh*t

I felt like I don't deserve all the shit you put me thru and I will never understand why I still wanna be with you.

I don't know why.
Maybe I am that stupid enough to still trust you
even when everyone is pointing out the 90% possibility.

I will close all ears unless I witness it for my own.

Hush

If I was me a few months back, I would have cried my eyes and screamed my lungs out.
But now I finally realised how badly hurt I was, because I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

And because of you, I've become stronger.
So I'm learning to move on to somewhere happier.

-

I shall let fate decide for me.
I don't want to think anymore.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Happy.

Have you ever considered those fragile feelings she had? When you decided to let her go, and she had to hit the ground. All defeated she felt, she had to rise no matter how. She's wasn't sure how she's was gonna leave the past behind, but all she knew was that she couldn't look back anymore. Just then, you came by and swept her up again. Now are you gonna let her fall like you used to do? Perhaps you'll never know, how she's hiding behind, with stained blood on her hands, with tears in her eyes.

hiiiiiiiii long time no blog. :/
I wanna dye my hair but which color should I go for? (:






I really wanna go for sweet apricot but then how am i gonna get orange eyebrows!
GEDDIT?! ORANGE HAIR + BLACK EYEBROWS = WEIRD!
Just like blonde hair tgt with black eyebrows, lagi worst.

Hello does anyone read this blog anymoreeeeeee?];
LOOOOOOOOOL ._.
cant. wait. for. attachment. to. be. freaking. over.
i. should. be. partying. or. having. fun. just. like. any. other. teenagers. and. young. adults. out. there.

SIGH

Photorgasm.

Sooooooooooooooooooo I finally met up with Wafi and PY, ohh we caught up on good timessssssss HAHAHAHA. It was insane!


Decided to go without my specs for that day... maybe I wasn't me .. shiet, THAT MAKE NO SAND! kkkkkkk peter chao influenced.







With eyeliner :o I think I went tad over of that :/

Went to meet py after that and we had lunch @ White Dog Cafe!








Can you imagine after that we headed to Harry's Bar for a drink -.- ITS LIKE STILL DAYLIGHT! But anyhoo, her nice colleague Marcus treated us to a drink. We didnt even know it until he left and the bartender told us he footed the bill alr. So nice! Thank you ar!

HAHA we were like running late to meet Wafi after his work @ Cineleisure but we still took our time to shop a little :x WAFI IF YOURE READING THIS, WE'RE SO SORRY! I know I told you we're stuck in a traffic jam, but that was a lieeeeeeeeee D:
A WHITE LIE!! BAHAHAHHAAHAH

We were bored in the cab so we camwhored.











Met up with Wafi and Khai! Yea Khai tagged along but left after dinner D:
We had dinner @ Shokoden? Shokuto? A pasta and pizza casual dining @ Cine so yea :D






















After the sumptious dinner, well, let the photos do the talking yea? :>



























































OMGOSH! -.- Yea it's gettin late and I hafta sleep soon cos there's work tmr. :/
IM SO LASI TO DO CAPTIONS ON T PHOTOS, IM SORRY!
If I had the time, I would.
Hahhaha time.

P.S I'm not that white and ghastly in real life, the flash was kinda harsh :8D
P.S.S I miss you.