im fat

i cant explain this.
its the worst ive really ever felt
its like someone stole your heart away
you cant find it back
you cant even feel it
you feel like you need to shout, you need to feel the extreme pain, you feel like you want to cry till your eyes bulge out
but
you suffocate instead
you couldnt do anything you just gasp at the thought of a missing organ
a heart? an organ that disappears?
but its there
i feel it beating
but it's not painful, it's not screaming, it's not bleeding
it just felt like im heartless.
heartless

heart, im sorry
i didnt know this would happen
i didnt know..
i hope you'll come back to me,
and then we'll finally move on together
like we always did.

i feel disgusted
i want to puke.
no. you wont understand.
even t ones i thought would didnt
they just blamed, but they didnt know what happened and started accusations.
they didnt know how hard it was..
they thought it was easy..
but this 4 months, never.
and when i look back, i dont even feel a shit anymore.
i do miss those moments, but i know it's impossible to regain it anymore
i dont know what i want now
i dont know who to turn to,
everytime i had something to say, t first thing i'll think of is this
but i'll reconsider again, cos i know its fucking stuipd
but i cant take it
really cant
i feel like im gonna burst
and thats why im saying all this.

why do you still want to lie?