Im just your childhood ragged doll afterall.

Tokio Hotel
Don't Jump

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don't wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump

You open your eyes
But you can't remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can't feel it no more
Somewhere out there
You lost yourself in your pain
You dream of the end
To start all over again

[Chrous again]

I don't know how long
I can hold you so strong
I don't know how long
Just take my hand
Give it a chance
Don't jump

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump

Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump
Don't jump
And if all that can't hold you back
I'll jump for you


I prefer it in german version though, ehehe. SPRING NICHT!
(Annoying fans screaming.)((Ahh nvm, I bet I'll be one of them if I were at their concert))

(((DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE BAND MATES ZOMFG!)))
((((Ok, I might on my next post :x))))
(((((BILL AND TOM KAULITZ!!!!!!!!!)))))
------------------

Two pieces of good news.

First, none of the above, I got into Nursing @ NP out of the blue, lol!
Nvm laah, I just submitted my choices to see what I'll get.

So secondly, Shatec have yet to email/message/call/contact me.
BUT! Admin said I've to wait 2 weeks!
So, first week have passed.
.....
I'll be living with a great sense insecurity and anxiety until Shatec contacts me again! *BEADS OF PERSPIRATION FORM ON MY FOREHEAD* (HAHA, that's so.. Ms Chee. (: )
Ok, add excitement too.

Erm yeah, Im just being sarcastic if ya know what I mean.
I'm on the road to downhill now.

Aiyah,,,, GO WATCH THE MUSIC VID OF DONT JUMP/SPRING NICHT.
Hahah ok chill. AA YAH, AND BILL KAULITZ SOUND SO FUCKING GOOD LIVE!
I wanted to put the awsome music vid here, but imeem loads too slow, and youtube doesnt have autoplay features -.-
AND! CANT FIND A PROPER SPRING NICHT SONG IN IMEEM! Blah.

Ok shush.

On a random note,
.... I forgot what I wanted to say but emm
life really sucks now,
forgive me for this period of great old boring posts. HAW HAW. haw. -.-

I've been playing Final Fantasy X AGAIN WOOOOOOOO :O


P.S yadayadayada you can say what you want, but that's the way Bill Kaulitz is. AND THATS IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIM. ;)

I could bleed to death but please dont just stare.

Im going insane.

Running thru the monsoon

Jammed with the girls on GH: World Tour @ Suhana's place!
Time seems travel to be like a bullet train while you're havin fun.
We sang, drummed, strummed, danced, ALL THE OUR HEARTS' CONTENT!
Hoped everyone enjoyed yerselves, yesyes?

Anyway, went to Fairprice Xtra around 10plus just now, and I saw Vani! :D
So I practically met up with t whole TNFS today! Hahaha, oh loves! (:
I have zee urge to bake tomorrow..
Well,
CNY coming yea? Eat more people!
BAK KUA, HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!1111


So I've been pretty much like a moron here
After all I'm just another fling
Perhaps numbered 9998394859412th.


Bury me.

P.S THANKS DOUGHNUT FOR THE GIFT! LOVE ITT!!!! :D

more caramel in my caramel spin please.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
--------
Just a few more days.. then I'll take it with a complete heart.

Went to Shatec Institute to fill in the application form and got interviewed.
I'm not very confident though, my interview was such a... wasted scene.
My mind was blank, only on the way back that things I've been wanting to say starts flowing back in.

I don't know what's happening to me.
I can even forget to bring my phone today.
*smacks head*

Somehow I wish I could work from morning till night,
keep myself busy, entertain customers, seeing the smiles on their face.
I need to get myself out of this awful stance.

Why are they unhappy? Shouldnt parents be happy for their children when they go for what they really want in life? Why should parents make the decisions for us? If they did, then isn't it what they WANT us to do, instead of what we WANT to do?
So it will become their "DREAMS" instead of OURS?

Fucking awsome life I'm having.
hahahahahahahah.

P.S I'm just really fucking confused by everything that's going on in my life.

Those arent reasons, just excuses.

Thanks for the wishes people.
Very appreciated.

This year? Didnt held any party, maybe next year :D
But! Me girls gave me a surprise and made my birthday even more special!
They woke early in the morn and went to JP to get a nice cookie and cream cake :D
&also presents for me!
BIG THANKS TO MY GIRLXX! Really really grateful for all that yall have done!


Yummio! One day and it's gone!


A goodie bag for me! I love pre-made food hahha!
And Suhana's letter (:


My bro got me a bag from Dickies! O:
Was shockedd eh!
Even though year by year, I failed to pass to him a gift during his birthday, he will still get a nice present for me!
Sorry la, I sound so mean, never get present for him. It's not I don't want oh, I'm brokeeee! Besides that, if I want to get a gift for him, it must be pretty darn good stuff cos he's has quite a good taste in stuffs and fashion sense O:


Ahaah, 2nd cake (:


Today's work was fun! Was sent to work where Sam is working @, JIBP Spinelli.
She made rum spin for me and I made her favourite vanilla latte hehe.
Her rum spin fucking nice! O: Now it's my second favourite, next to cookie spin!
Slurps!
.
..
.

Was my heart anesthetised all along?
Now that t numbness wore off,
I realised how much it can fucking hurt.
Does it make any sense?
Haha, I don't know.
You didn't either.
Those arent reasons, just excuses.
Why did it take so long for me to realise?
Such fool.
Play by your rules.

Haha.

Do I look like a tool to you?

Very very funny.
Fuck.

Such insanity.

My heart was speeding
It felt like it was gonna come out of my throat
A part of it wished it was you
yet another didn't
In the end these tears welled up
and dried.

Why?

-----------

Should I get a PSP? :D
CNY coming, so prices should drop right?
Red is spicy!

&I'm so clumsy @work today.
Sigh, when are you ever going to improve and do better girl?
Next week, going to work with Sam @ JIBP Spinelli outlet on certain days!
Can't wait! O: But I fear, that I'm going to make lots of mess and mistakes!
*prays*

Ohhh.... On a sad note, I being such a glutton nowadays..
I thought people skip meals and lose appetite when they are feeling down in the dumps?
Been snacking more than usual.
Heck, who cares anyway.... ugh.
Ha ha ha. Ok, I better cut down O_O

On a happier note, I've been adding extra virgin olive oil to practically everything I make! Especially on my mashed hard boiled eggs and maggie noodles.
MMMMM MM!! I swear they make your food taste better!

^___^
WOKAY, shall go continue gaming on my DS.

P.S OMFG I STILL CANT UNDERSTAND WHY I CHOSE PINK FOR MY DS!!!!!!!!1

Better in time.

I miss Thailand. Chiangrai and Chiangmai to be exact (: My mum said it's like 10 degree celcius over @ Chiangrai right now! :D



Ohoh, I forgot to blog about yesterday.
After work, went to meet Suhana, then Jason and Sam.
Headed back to school to visit the band!
@ the same time, I want to taste the old canteen fooodddd yummzx.
Bought a usual plate of rice, toppled with chicken curry and potato wedges @ Stall 1.
CLASSIC DELIGHT! I missed eating that for a year yknow!
It hit me suddenly, and I knew I am going to miss the old(&cheap) canteen food.
Aaaaaaaaaaa heck.

OH YEAH, I FINISHED MY WHOLE PACKET OF ROCK CANDIES YESTERDAY! ):
150g WOAH! :DDDD Such sweet addict ahaha!
But I didn't share it with anyone, SORRY OH!
Next time I will, okay! PROMISEE!!


Ermm, I'm so tired I forgot what I wanted to say so I think I'll end here
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

OH! LATTE ARTS! How awsome manssssssss, make me want to go barista training hahahahahsszzzzzzzz.
erm mrightzzzz.
nights owls and stars!


HOLY COW I GOT WORK AT 8 TOMORROW AND I HAVE TO WAKE @ 6!!!!!!!1111
zzzzzzzzzzzzz

wordy 8)

ALOHA today's post will be a full of words.
*grabs some words and munch-es em*

ANYWAY, 12th Jan was AWSOME!
I mean.. put aside the results and such, TNFS are reunited finally :D
AND I HAD BUNCH OF AWSOMELY FUN WITH ZEE GIRLS!
I missed all the silly jokes, pranks and the bowowgous laughter (&contagious too)
The girls surprised Nuzrath with a cake from The Icing Room for a belated birthday! :D
&Suhana was really sweet cos she gave us little gifts.
Well, I felt like 16 again with I'm with em... :D (ok it didn't make sense but erm.. it relieved our secondary sch memories! ;_;)
------

Anyhow, very heart pain arh, my family are against me pursuing Culinary Arts @ Shatec. Yea, my dad, mum and even brother -.- What the heck.
I guess perhaps we just dont understand one another. Or perhaps the THREE of them wont understand me and vice versa.
I persuadeeeeeeeeeeee like shit alr, still very reluctant leh.
Maybe I must try persuading like bullshit. (Hah pun intended.)

So, looked up forums and such so that I can learn more about Shatec, career opportunities, the comments from students/graduates who studied there.
The most inspiring comment was this,

" yes, dont listen to people and pawn yrself. Do what u want u wish to do.

One of my friends took Chef course at Shatec years ago. Many people told him that Chef is useless and you he would not find a job in Singapore. But he was really intereseted in cooking and it was his passion. He worked in a small food outlet though with low singapore salary for a few years but last year he applied for PR in Australia and got it because there was a sudden shortage of Chefs and cooks in Australia since last year. Now he;s earning close to 50k AUD per year in Aus.

Do what u are interested to do and not on other's advice.Know what are your abilities - strengths and weaknesses and work on it. Not because of trends or others' advice. "

The center bit aside,
the bolded sentences can be simply simplified into three words,
Follow your fucking heart.
FOLLOW YOUR HEART, DAMNIT! (Rafly tilts his head,"Dam...nit?") ((HAHA INSIDE JOKE)) (((sorry)))
Fellow ex students, do what you really really love to and want to do. Because who doesn't want to get into a job that they will enjoy?!

Hahaha, my brother thought I will end up working at a hawker centre (fuckin hell?). My dad is obsessively worried that I will have no future after I graduate. My mum just innocently wants me to, STUDY instead.
Hah, fuck studying. I. cannot. tahan. studying.
And def not everything in life is based solely on academic.

Yea, if you're enjoying what you are doing, why give a fuck abt what other people say or think?

For me? I can even just get satisfied by just chopping apples/garlics/onions on the chopping board. HAHAHAH. Lovin' it.

I'll just.. keep my fingers crossed, pray real hard, and do lots more of persuasion.
I feel like making Maggi.....
nvm, TILL THEN! :D


P.S WORKING IS FUNNNNN AND IM ALWAYS LOOKIN FORWARD TO IT! :D
P.S.S Woah, applause to you if you read the whole post O_O

Sweet tooth!

HOH OHHOHO
EVERYONE NERVOUS RIGHT?
Relax eh! Enjoy all the time left before the truth unfolds HAHAHAHAS *chokes*

Went out with Joey early noon to accompany her to do her new year shopping @ Central.
The reason why I love that place.. JUST COS THERES TOO MUCH GOODIES TO GOBBLE ON!
WAH FUCK (:
Oh yea, did I mention, I took 15mins over the phone just to persuade her to get her arse out of the fucking bed. STILL CAN TELL ME SHE WRIGGLING LIKE A WORM ON THE BED! *faints*
Hahaha, then when we met, I told her that I should have recorded that conversation and upload it for everyone to hear. HAHAH chomp.


Okgay, that's shitload speech :D
PICTURESSSSS!
----------


Lunched @ Waraku. Not Pasta Waraku, this outlet serves REALLY GOOD udon, cold noodles, some usual jap food too.



Joey's Nabe............yaki set. The soup tastes like Chawanmushi! CHOMP O:
(LOOK AT THE RUNNY EGG! She volunteered to give it to me! SLURPILICIOUS!)

Plus! I kept making fun of her and her nabe....yaki order. (NABEI... YAKI, GET? HAHAHAHAH) Like, "Oi Joey! You NABEI........YAKI!!"
&she said it's not funny cos she alr realised that long time ago, wtf.
I'm just trying to entertain you what. *points middle fingy* :D



Okay whatever hers so ordinary LOOK AT MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Niku curry! Choice of either Udon or Soba :D
HAHAHAHAAHHA,



What's so special is that their Udon noodles are SOFT, CHEWY AND TANGY!
Like can chew whole day HAHAH. Thumbs up (:

The weather outside was awsome. Not sunny and a little windy :D
&YKNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?????




ICE CREAMO!
SEA SALT&CARAMEL AND GREENTEA W/RED BEANS.


I SWEAR SEASALT CARAMEL WAS SO FUCKING AWSOME

COS THAT IS WHY WE BOUGHT ANOTHER DOUBLE SCOOP CONE,
both seasalt caramel! *hearts X2*
Hahah it melted fast cos the wind kept blowing.


LASTLY LASTLY LASTLY, who have a sweet tooth!
I MEAN, SWEET TEETH INSTEAD BABY COS YOU'RE GOTTA LOVE THIS.




Holy cow, mama mia! ROCK CANDIES!
Rock mix for $8.90, pricey.. BUT I SWEAR THEY ARE FUCKING GOOD!
Now I cant stop popping em into me mouth :D
I was so high after I bought em cos everytime I was @ Central I don't have $$ to buy lol.



I've been eating so much lately! HAHHAHAh! WELL ITS ALL GOOD ;)...
................ I guess.
I loved you for loving me.

P.S Oh shit, sugar rush.
P.S.S I'll terminate any fucking ant who dare go near my rock candies. DIE! DIE! MATI!!!!!!

I hate this part right here.

The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts


Working is a blast! &ate like 3 pastries, so full till can skip dinner LOL.
Errm, was thinking of attending open houses, but i really dont fucking know.
I've looked thru the whole selection of courses but ermmmmmmmm,
WHAT? Sorry, nothing catches my eye?.
My best buds should know what I really aim for.
Tell me, is it wrong? lol.

2009 has a rocky start for me.

When the world is silent
&your heart kept singing
All the balloons are set free
but each holds a broken thought.

P.S I WANT GO KARAOKE!!!!!!!!1111, $_$
P.S.S I still feel like 16.

.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be.


Monday getting results alr.
People may ask, "Are you scared?"
I'll just say, "I'm more afraid of not getting what I want."
Not what I like, but what my dreams are.

The world is silent,
it tells a sad story.

They seemed..

Sometimes, dreams felt so realistic,
I'll wake up and find it hard to distinguish between reality and a delusion.


&&&&&&I CANT WAIT TO START WORKKKK PEOPLEEEEE.
AHHAH SAW WT IN HER CUTE PINK UNIFORM @ ICING ROOM ;) So prettayye! All the best okay babe! Any problem just call me AHAHAH I will rush down (ahem since I live nearby) and kick any kids' arses.
Woah.., why suddenly I sound so abusive.


Hur, nowadays I feel very sporty but even my dad doesnt want to accompany me go play badminton, HOW SAD IS THAT?! HAHAHAHAH ok it's not.
I guess I'll stick to dancing around with the Wii..
errrm, bullshitting sorry.

OMG PEOPLE I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
BUT NO LESSONS AWAHAHAH,
eh sec 4 peeps, lets party in our school uniform after that, okgay?
AND TAKE LOTS OF SNAPS!

omg I still feel like I'm bullshitting,
I better stop blogging.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 AND ITS THE 4TH DAY OF A WHOLE NEW YEAR!
which doesnt feel like it somehow lol.

P.S HOLY COW WHY AM I STARTING TO HEAR ANNOYING CHINESE NEW YEAR MUSIC??!

<:o)

Hoho so how do you like me new skin ehs?
Love it cos it's FUCKING BIGGGGG AWAHAAHA
compared to my previous skinss.
And reason why, cos I wanna showcase my photos, IN BIGGY SIZE!
I mean, my pic are so small if ya look at all the previous posts.
HAHAH SMALL RIGHT?! Want give yall better details lah.
Wtf, like a have a lot of readers like that LOL
Fuck, I have a HUGEASS load of things to put it up (:

BAKING!

With Joey that time, cos just nice she was @ my place and we both wanted to bake.
Now the Fairprice Xtra @JP not bad know! Got plenty of good baking stuffs that the normal Fairprice don't have. AND THEY HAVE THE JELL-O NO BAKE OREO CAKE ALR!!!!1111


I found this too, easy to make, and yummy to bits!



They come with patty cases!



Naked batter.



Naked cupcakes O:





Ahaha, fooling around with my cam while Joey makes the strawberry icing. MHMM :9 !



Golden brown cupcakes toppled with baby pink icing :D





Hahah chef in action!



Pink fairy glitter included! (ZOMG SO GIRLISH! HAHAHA.)



Decorations :D








YUMMMMMMM CHOMP! Only made 12 cupcakes, as mentioned on the box itself.

-----------

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND SINCE 23435362345123 years!

Now Fairprice Xtra have lah! GO GET IT GO GET IT! Above the shelf where they sell the icing tube.


Oh! I finally bought a Springform Pan, something like this.

Very handy for making cakes, esp cheesecakes cos you can remove the ring around the bottom part.



Used it for the oreo cake too! Spreading the crust :D



YUM TUM looks like a whole goodness of marshmellow mix.





Mix half of zee crushed oreos into the filling creme and spread em on zee crust!


Joey: Can we like... eat it now??
Me: NOOOOOOOO BITCH!




I had some packs of Oreo at home, so we decided to add more to spice up its goodness factor.





After few hours of chilling..

ITS ALL GOBBLED AND FINISHED UP BY SAMANTHA AND JOEY TODAY! ;_;

&&&&& so I spent t whole noon making this skin.
Thou was so bored ):
Can't wait to start work.






Ahahah one last pic,



OREO! :D



P.S HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!
P.S.S OMFG TEH JOY OF NOT NEEDING TO HEAD TO SCHOOL BACK!
P.S.S.S ESP WHEN YOU'RE HAVING TEH HOLIDAY MOODS.
P.S.S.S.S FUCKING AWSOME! Ahaha sorry students.