But how strong will fear keep you holding on? When you realise perhaps love isn't everything you need. You asked me if I've ever regretted, and this time my mind turned blank. 

"We accept the love we think we deserve." This quote got me thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking... 

I am all messed up. The most I find ridiculous is that I allowed myself to get messed up.
And I see all this people throwing their pities and pointing their fingers at me, smirking in their very sick minds. This is so wrong.. and yet, the comfort I seek can no longer be found in the person I love the most. Perhaps soon, it will come to a past tense. Perhaps soon.. If I find the courage.

I'm so sorry. I deceived myself because I would like to think I was strong enough.
I was never that brave, or ambitious.
The fact is, I am very, very afraid.. to realise that I am the only one who will feel this way.

I'm a whole lot of trouble.

You drink more than you used to
Fell in love how could you
Trust your heart like only fools do
Go on let it bleed
You smoked ten now it's twenty
Bet you wish you never met me
To stick around you must be crazy
Go on let it bleed

I told you never to get used to me
I still awake when you fall asleep
I'm a whole lot of trouble
We're in a whole lot of trouble
I told you you should never follow me
But here we are, and you're into deep
I'm a whole lot of trouble
We're in a whole lot of trouble

You shout louder than you used to
And you hold on tighter in the bedroom
Stick around like i'mma change soon
Go on let it bleed
As you stand there trying to save me
Use your head and babe believe me
Gonna take much more than a heart to save me
Go on let it bleed

I told you never to get used to me
I still awake when you fall asleep
I'm a whole lot of trouble
We're in a whole lot of trouble
I told you you should never follow me
But here we are, and you're into deep
I'm a whole lot of trouble
We're in a whole lot of trouble

But is it lyin' if you know that they don’t want the truth
Is it cheating if you work it while she in the room
Now you mad at the screen
We were something together
I wouldn't call it a team, just big trouble and little kindness
When I know the best parts are so behind us
Keep the pride tough, more than bad luck
I ain’t messed up, I’m just wishing what we needed was a less us
I fell in love with the wrong dream
Crying in my arms what’s it all mean?
I used to know those things and flow both wings
Thoughts where neverending and no Nuvaring’s
And we fought for a patent pending on my new jack swing
Cool, calm and collected keep the Kool Moe Dee
Here is hoping you satisfy that like an addict
I had thought we’d never had to do those things

I told you you should never follow me
But here we are, and you're into deep
I'm a whole lot of trouble
We're in a whole lot of trouble

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth
And, with a word all my love came rushing out
And, every whisper, it's the worst, emptied out by a single word
There is a hollow in me now

So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing

It isn't easy for me to let it go
Cause
I've swallow every single word
And
Every whisper, every sigh
Eats away at this heart of mine
And there is a hollow in me now

So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing

And it's not enough
To tell me that you care
When, we both know the words are empty air
You give me nothing

Uoooh
Uoooh
Uoooh
Nothing

Uoooh
Uoooh
Uoooh

Sweet Nothing

Uoooh
Uoooh
Uoooh
Sweet Nothing
--------------------------

The beat, the words, they bring me into a trance unknown. And there, I felt as if I am finally understood, and I am comforted. But why can't they take the pain away from me when I'm back to reality?

Proj week

Been a week since proj week and all I did was enjoy my holidays away by spending a night at Bintan with a fellow classmate. The beach was not only beautiful, but tranquil and serene. I've only been to Sentosa's beach for these 20 years of my life, and you could imagine my burst of realization of how naive I was to think that it was good enough. BIG NO! The sand is coarse and it hurts your feet after awhile, the sea smells and garbage.. garbage EVERYWAY. I went to Penang last year thinking the beach would be better in that sense but well.. it's worst because it's so murky you can't even go into the waters.... unlike Sentosa's... but that one abit forceful now la if you ask me to go in...... 

The waters at Bintan was moderately clear (I said that because I'm sure there are clearer waters), and they have low tides at certain timings which enabled me and my friend to explore the areas which used to be quite deep! So much fun like dora the explorer hahaha. Cept I realised there were an abundance of tiny sea creatures like hermit crabs and SEA SNAILS. EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 I DAMN SCARED MY GIANT FEETS WILL CRUSH THEM TO PIECES YOU KNOW I DAMN SQUISHY ABOUT THE FEELING OF THEM STRUGGLING BENEATH MY FEET! Ashlynn, my friend, damn cool about it. Le sigh.... Anyw, didn't take much pictures because the main priority was to chillax so fuck no electronic devices. Oh btw, Marlboro cigs are selling for $3+ there only. 

Singapore, why you no relac abit?

See the separation between the deep blue and clear blue close to the horizon?

Our package came with free lunch and it was surprising delicious!

This was.. just random camwhore after I came home for school and yes I went straight to bed to roll for awhile.

IM GOING TO POP MY CHERRRY THIS HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111







What? Oh I mean break my virginity of celebrating Halloween HAHAHA
O you ddirty minds.
SO EXCITED!!!! WILL BE UPDATING TILL THEN!

Taken from Wan Lin's blog! She sneaked into the Fine Arts studio hahahahaaha! Love you girlsssss n it's Wan Lin's birthday this coming Sunday! Hehe, if you're reading this, happy happy birthday love!

(Missing Shirley and Mel :'( )

As much as I try to love myself, I always feel like I'm never good enough for you and I'm afraid that one day you would feel the same.

I hate myself because of all these emotions that I can't control. And all these thoughts that came to my mind, how I wished I could blow them away with a gentle sweep of breath and not having to pretend like nothing ever came across my mind. They go to the back of my head, and I wake up with a bitter heart to remind me of that I've been running away.. and how I've always been running away.

I've been patiently waiting, and I am sick of it. Because I've been too nice, and I tend to protect you with chances. And instead of blaming it on you, I've been pushing it to myself. See, now I am stuck between what's right and what's wrong.

How can I move on to understand that the world, or specifically, Life is unfair? No, honestly I think I will never learn to understand it, I can only accept that fact that I am here, breathing. That is a sad truth.